The night....

The night was young. It wasn't a cold, chilly night. Nay. In fact, it was a warm, breezy night. The moon was shining in all its glory upon the clear dark sky. It was a perfect night. There wasn't a sound in the world. No one was at home. The doors were locked tight. Company wasn't expected. The wine lay on the table, untouched, besides the now cold food. All was quiet. All was fine. Except for the tears.

I was standing outside on my balcony looking at the fort built by the Maharaja, in the distance. Its shadowing glory seemed lost in time as it stood there tall and strong. Down below, on the roads, the shadows were playing a different tune. If only the street lights played along. The dogs too, seemed quiet that night. All was quiet. All was fine. Except for the tears.

I took another deep breath and coughed a bit. I put the cigarette to my lips and breathed in deep and strong. My lungs hurt for lack of air. But they remained quiet. They seemed to have given up fighting. They accepted the smoke and relaxed a bit. All was quiet. All was fine. Except for the tears.

I moved into the room and looked down at the broken frame. The glass had shattered all over the floor. The photo though remained unscathed. Memories don't get erased, he always used to say, everytime I wanted to take a picture. How true he was. The memories I still have. The memories I never spoke of. The memories that still haunt me every night and keep me alive and awake till the sun comes up. I sat down on the bed and looked at the photo. The smiles hadn't faded. All was fine. There weren't any tears left.

I reached out for the wine and poured myself a glass. Red wine was his favourite. A classy drinker he was. He always smelt his wine first. He would then swirl it in his glass, holding the stem of the glass between his fingers, like he would hold my hand, delicately, like he didn't want to hurt the glass. There have been times when I'd wanted to throw the glass out of his hands and make him hold me instead. But I'd never made a move. Never uttered a word. I was too intoxicated by his eyes. Too drunk in his words. I swallowed the wine now. It seemed to fill the emptiness for a while. All was fine then. Except for the tears, which were wetting my cheeks again.

I fell back on the black sheets and moved my hands across the bed. The sheets were soft and cold. No one had slept in the them for sometime now. Yet. They seemed to have his smell. I took a deep breath. He always smelt good. Every person's smell is unique, he used to say.The smell of lovers is something no Davidoff or Dior can duplicate. I took another deep breath. All was fine. Except for the tears.

I closed my eyes and saw his own. He seemed to be hiding there now. Behind my own eye lids, just waiting for me to shut out the world. He was always like that. Always expecting undivided attention. Small things mattered to him. He always held my hands when we walked down crowded streets. Always held them when we crossed roads. I'd always taken those hands for granted. Thought they'd always be there to catch my fall. I took another sip of wine. It filled another little space. I wiped my cheeks. All was fine. All was quiet.

I looked into his eyes now. They seemed to be smiling at me. For long as I can remember, those black eyes always smiled back at me everytime I've looked at them. I could almost reach out to them now. They seemed so close. I opened my eyes and felt the tears gush out again. I filled some more wine into my glass and walked across the room, over the frame, to the windows. The blood had created a trail on the floor as I walked.

I unlatched the glass windows and pushed them open. The warm air hit my face like a slap. We'd stood here for nights at end talking and holding hands. He had always been a good listener. He heard me speak about my hopes and wishes. Heard me cry when I missed my family. Heard me abuse my colleague who always bossed over me. He always sat quiet when I spoke. If I did cry, he'd just hold me close to him. He never promised me that things would be alright. He'd just hold me close. I still remember the way his heart used to beat. That always soothed me. Whether I was angry or upset. I took another gulp of wine now as I looked beyond the buildings and trees.

The blood was almost dry and sticking to my feet when I looked down at them. I picked out the glass from my feet and wiped the blood with the edge of my skirt. I remember the time when we'd gone to the park once. We'd walked all over the walkway. I thought it would be a good idea to walk barefeet on the grass and so we did. I still remember how his hair looked as he knelt besides me to get the thorn out. I still remember his face right before I kissed him. I walked away from the window and walked into the bathroom.

The blood seemed to make little waves in the tub as I rinsed the skirt that I'd worn. I wrapped a towel around myself and looked into the mirror. The steam-covered glass reflected the truth. I'd always frowned at the sight. He'd always found that cute. Every day as we got out of the shower I would complain about another line. He would kiss the spot that I'd touched and say that he had one more reason to love me from then on. I touched my face now and tried to remember those spots. One by one I covered them. One by one I remembered each day. I walked out

I walked up to the drawers now and took out my pills. He always thought I was a fighter. He always thot I was bold. I'd lived a dual life trying to live up to his faith. I filled another glass of wine and took out another fag. I popped in some and then gulped the wine. All of me seemed to get filled as I fell back on the sheets again. This time I closed my eyes first and then moved my hands across the sheets. He was there like he'd been waiting. I looked into his eyes again. They smiled back at me from within the blackness. His arms beckoned me forth. I slid into them. As he held me close, I could hear his heart beat again. I embraced him with my lips and held him there. All around me, I couldn't hear a thing. All seemed quiet. All seemed fine. And ever since he'd left, I'd finally left my tears behind